One of the biggest complaints from women is that the husband/partner is not helping around the house.
Lol in our couple it was the opposite. Would you believe it? Justin had to have a talk with me about helping and start doing the laundry.
See, it just didn’t register with me that it needed to be done. Mostly because it was magically being washed and folded (Justin being the magician). I was oblivious. Well, selfish to be exact. Inconsiderate can be thrown there also.

So we needed a system. Of what needs to be done and who will be responsible for what.
We are all about preempting arguments and clearing the air. There was no point of having frictions over laundry and washing up. Or creating resentment while complaining inside or to friends? Is it worth it?
Peace is more crucial, unity is more valued.

We wrote down all the chores that need to be done, when and how often. We went through the list of pet hates and our special skills. We kept each other accountable.

See it’s the willingness of working together, it’s selflessness and service that need to take place instead of entitlement and laziness.
Also, the courage to speak up about what is not working instead of building silent resentment.

After a while, we got in a flow. Where we are responsible for certain chores, with an occasional swapping. We also require an occasional reminder to each other about when something needs to be done (like taking out the trash – on how to ask your partner and why you need to ask read Alison Armstrong Queens Code – book sale link).

The main thing we have learnt is you can never overdo appreciation. Noticing each thing that was done and saying a massive thank you, I appreciate you doing it, wow that looks great, great job, this is amazing, you are amazing, I value you doing it, that makes me happy, you doing it allowed me to focus on work, I don’t feel overwhelmed anymore because you did that, and so on…

It is not complaining of what has not been done will motivate your partner, but appreciating what has been. Appreciation is what makes it all worth it.

If the unity of your couple is your priority, you will find a way to create solutions. Solutions that will lead to peace. Together.

Ksenia Demidova

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